Being extremely delicate and sensitive as a kid, just about anything and everything intimidated me growing up. I remember having panic attacks if and when a friend of mine would reprimand me over something silly. I didn’t know how to defend myself. All I did was to lock myself into my bedroom and cry bitter tears, until I no longer could.
One of the memories from those frightening years is the fact that occasionally I dreamt of being in water – unclean water – where I would struggle just to be able to float little longer, until I would make it to the shore. And occasionally, I would have a little baby on my back; as if I was also trying to swim to a place of safety for both of us. Most of this – I now know – was because of dysfunctional family issues; where the little me was trying, desperately, to protect a much younger sibling.
The other nightmare was about falling into a vast emptiness; a bottomless pit and total darkness. This one was far worse. So I guess after a while, I learned to appreciate the earlier episodes where trying to float within muddy waters didn’t bother me as much as it used to.
Today, those have become distant memories. I’m thankful that, both my brother and I, didn’t put our children through unnecessary torments. Forgiveness has wiped everything clean; and if anything, we both chose to demonstrate how it should’ve been all along by treating our children with unconditional love. Time and patience make quite a team when inner cleansing becomes a must.